Will Turner Needs To Die
by PixiePirate18
Summary: Getting sick and tired of those, 'Mary Sue falls into the 'POTC' universe and Jack or Will fall madly in love with her and live happily ever after' type of fics? Well worry no more! This story is guaranteed to parody and not to turn your brain into mush..
1. Chapter 1

**Will Turner Needs To Die**

**Ch.1**

Getting sick and tired of those, 'Mary Sue falls into the 'POTC' universe and Jack/Will fall madly in love with her and live happily ever after' type of fics? Well worry no more! This story is guaranteed to parody and not to turn your brain into mush...

"...ARGH!" A girl stomped her foot into her computer as she stumbled upon another Jack/Will fall in love with a Mary-Sue fic.

"Will it never end!" She screeched as she looked at the POTC poster on her wall. It was slightly ragged where Will and Elizabeth's faces were, but Jack's was perfectly fine since he hadn't gotten on her nerves enough to throw a knife at his face.

"Stupid, bloody idiots!" She liked the movie, yes...but not to a point where all these demented fangirls were obsessing over Jack and Will, and were writing awful romance fanfiction on this site or any other fanfic website.

"What's the big deal with WILL TURNER? HE'S OOGALEE!" She took a pen and scribbled all over Will Turner's face, putting a goatee and glasses on him. But it was actually ORLANDO BLOOM that she hated, especially in Lord of the Rings. Eww...Legolas...just another Link from The Legend of Zelda...

"Who cares about him? If I had my way, I'd go into the moive and kill off Will Turner before he even left the house!" At that point she stopped writing, 'I hate Will Turner' on the poster as she got an evil idea.

"Hmm...I wonder if I've got my magic remote control?" She leapt down from her bed and rummaged through her things. She then smirked as she pulled out a glowing remote control that she stole from Timmy Turner of 'The Fairly Odd Parents' fame, and ran downstairs to her living room TV. She popped in her DVD of POTC, and pressed a button to play it. A big glowing portal appeared in the screen.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! DIE, WILL TURNER, DIE!" She said as she gathered a whole bunch o' weapons and leapt into the portal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Will Turner Needs To Die**

**Ch.2**

She landed on a familiar ship, cackling evilly as she glanced around. There seemed to be no one on board, and she preferred it that way too. No need to wake up the crew if she didn't need to. She sneaked up beside the cabin walls, careful to step over broken and creaky boards. She didn't care how many people she pissed off, all she wanted was to bash Will Turner. Besides, obsessive fangirls were better off if they weren't so Orlando-Bloom obsessed anyway. She pushed open the cabin doors and leaped, hoping to catch the wimpy pretty boy off by surprise. All she managed to do was run into Jack Sparrow.

"Oi, who are you, and are you a stowaway?" He asked drunkenly. She pushed him aside and looked around.

"Where's Will Turner?" She snapped. Jack shrugged and took a swig from a bottle of rum.

"He's on land with his lady...though you wouldn't be too bad to be mine." He offered. The girl snorted.

"Hmph. I must've jumped into the wrong scene." She turned back to Jack before she ran out.

"I'll be back for you, pirate! Mark my words!" She said, pointing at him. Jack just swayed and smiled drunkenly, waving.

"All right, I'll be waiting for you, love. Come back soon!" The girl opened up a portal leading to Port Royal and jumped into it. No sense in getting sidetracked by the infamous drunk while Will Turner was still around. Perhaps she'll encourage Elizabeth to make sure she's always by her man's side...unless some Mary-Sues attempted to try and weasel their way in. Oh well...it wasn't her problem.


	3. Chapter 3

**Will Turner Needs To Die**

**Ch.3**

The fangirl landed in Port Royal and brushed her clothes off. She got wierd looks from the islanders as she ran through the streets carrying all sorts of weapons they never seen before. To tell you the truth, she had nothing against Orlando Bloom at all, it was his character, Will Turner. Sure, there weren't many nice, polite guys like him nowadays, but he was just...too naive and innocent. Jack Sparrow...now he was the guy for almost every lady. Okay, so not everyone liked drunk, dirty pirates like him, but it was all right.

"Oh Elizabeth...being with you has made me the most happiest boy on earth!" She heard Will's voice say as she hid behind the bushes of the governor's mansion.

"...Man." Elizabeth corrected. Will got that rather annoying innocent look on his face.

"Oh, yes...of course." At that point, the fangirl just gritted her teeth and rolled her eyes. But at least Will wasn't as annoying as Elizabeth.

"Will...why choose me, when you could be a pirate like Jack?" Elizabeth asked as they walked out the front gate and down the road. Will turned to Elizabeth and kissed her hand.

"Why be a pirate, if I'm with you?" Okay, now he was just repeating himself. The fangirl jumped out of the bushes and armed herself with a sword. Elizabeth screamed annoyingly and hid behind Will as he put his hand out in front of her. Tch. Like that was going to do anything against an armed girl.

"Arr...I am Mary Sue! I've come to beat you to the ground, William Turner!" The fangirl said, grinning. Will Turner lifted an eyebrow.

"You're one of them amateur pirates, aren't you?" Mary Sue stopped cackling and looked at him.

"What are you talking about?" She demanded.

"I'm here to fight you like the wussy you are!" Will snickered and burst out laughing.

"Sorry, I don't fight girls." Elizabeth thumped his on the head with her umbrella.

"Well, other than Elizabeth, here." Will shrugged. Mary Sue glared at him and took out some dynamite.

"Oh yeah? Well take this!" She lit the fuse and threw it at Will. Realizing what it was, he screamed and dropped it before he ran around with his arms flailing in the air. KA-BOOM! Elizabeth and Will were blown through the air, landing at the foot of the road.

"Ouch." Will said with a dazed look on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Will Turner Needs To Die  
Ch.4-**

"BLAST!" Mary Sue gritted her teeth and ran down the road, lighting up another pack of dynamite. Elizabeth screeched and tried to drag Will alng with her, but she panicked and ran off. Will still was dazed and confused as to why Elizabeth abandoned her, until he saw Mary-Sue. Then some more dynamite.

"EEEEEEK!" He shook his head and got up just before the dynamite blew, throwing him once again into the air. A few feet away, Elizabeth was still running. FWOMPP! The pretty boy landed on top and squashed her. And then there was a whole bunch of cheering that came out of the middle of nowhere.

"Elizabeth?" Will asked, rolling off the woman and prodded her cheeks with his finger. Elizabeth, in turn, moaned in pain.

"You idiot...I don't love you anymore." She muttered, sitting up. And then there was more cheering.

"WILL TURNER NEEDS TO DIE!" Mary-Sue screamed, running after them with a sharp pointy object in her hands. It wasn't safe to run with sisscors, but nobody was able to die unless her target was terminated. That is, dead and unmoving.

"GAH!' Will ran for his life and left Elizabeth in the middle of the road.

"You idiot! Why are leaving me...!" She then got run over by a horse and carriage. Luckily she survived, but was now in the hospital with horseshoe prints all over her face.

"HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He wailed as he ran all over Port Royal. The Black Pearl, on the other hand, was sailing peacefully on the ocean water, perhaps even drunker than Jack himself.

"Eh? I swore I heard Will screaming for help." Jack said. He looked through looking glass and saw young Turner running from a girl.

"That lad always gets the ladeis..." He chuckled. Jack slid down the rope ladder and pointed at the shore.

"Up and at 'em mates! We got Will to save from that freaky girl with a fork in her hand!" Jack ordered.

"It looks like a scabbard?" One of his mates asked.

"Idiot! It's more like twin swords with a finger handles!" Jack said.

"Nah, it's more like tiny daggers stuck together!" Another added. The pirate captain swigged out of his rum bottle before pointing drunkenly at the shore again.

"Come on come on! We haven't much time! It looks like she's determined to kill the lad!" The crew obeyed and turned the wheel sharply to starboard, heading towards Port Royal.


End file.
